Second servings

My discontent stems from my need to compare; inevitably and more often than not, I am left wanting. This void in me only gapes wider everything I compare my life in comparison to you, you, you, yes you. You! And you.

Wanting because no matter what I do for anyone or for any remnants of goals that I may have, I realise that I am always a Second [noun]. I am nobody's first.

I am marked to be a Second because I will never command anyone's immediate attention or affection. No no, I am not being narcissistic here and this is definitely not a second-child syndrome. It's just my way of putting into perspective of how I relate to the rest of my world and my locus.

Nobody ever needs a Second. Why would anyone need a Second when they've got their first? I have my First. But am I anyone's First? So someone in my life would feel like a Second in relation to me. Sometimes I think my existence is pointless because no one gives a hoot about the Seconds. I'm not quite sure if I am making sense here - but at this point in time, my existence as a Second is worthless. On the other hand, being a first to someone may not fill up that void in me.

Seconds are sad because they wallow in unhappiness despite knowing that they are keeping Happiness away. Seconds are unreasonable because they don't make their expectations known yet they don't want to demand anything. The state of limbo makes the Second extremely frustrated yet the Second is unwilling to get over the inertia.

So, Seconds are complicated. They don't demand; they don't express - they simply don't.

Just give me another second.