I still harbour hope despite all the emotional upheaval. I am somewhat at peace - yet there's this nagging fear and doubt at the back of my mine that threatens to rob this peace away.
There is a deep-seated fear of uncertainty towards my future (or rather, the lack of it). I hope that this casual employment will last me until October. October seems near enough to hang on to. There is an uneasiness of how I will get by in the coming months. But somehow, i think i will be okay. Really.
I can only hope for the best - and if i shall fail, I pray and ask for another opportunity to sustain myself.
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There's a desire to start a God-worthy relationship within me. To build up this faith that sustains me. It's not just loneliness. It's the desire to share and love. There's so much love to give and share, and yet no one to dispense this love to.
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There's also this deep urge to want to give my parents the best, when I am done with this degree. I want to be more patient with the old folks, be more giving, and less selfish. I want to spend more time with them when I am back - i realise how much I love them.
My parents are imperfect; but they try to do their best in building this family. I have my gripes and my pain-points but I think overall, they still did good.
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Being alone does make give you the bandwidth and space to plan and think of the future. I worry too much still. I want to let go of my anxieties and stress. Be gone, u little pests!
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