Chosen

I hate making decisions because I'm afraid that I would make the wrong one. Not so important decisions? I hate it too. Because I just want it all, and have difficulties focusing.

I don't want a mistake, no matter how small, to be mine. It's cowardice.

That's why I like you having you around. You're logical and most importantly, patient with my indecisiveness.

Like I've said before, I'm nothing without you.

*****

I am drawn to the fragility of men, in real and reel life. I'm always amazed at how the male psyche reacts when being threaten, cheated and loved.

Somehow, I prefer to believe in the lies rather than the truths. I subscribe to Lies though I crave Honesty. Like I've said, I've the answers in my mind, but they'll always remain in my mind. It's mental inertia overtaking the flesh.

Slept at 6am this morning but I woke up bright and early, because the mind wouldn't let go of me.

Papers and a breakfast of thoughts and worries later, I think I'll go get another copy of Damien Rice's O. Ade loves The Blower's Daughter so much [but not as much as I do] , she stuffed $20 into my hands and slipped the CD in her pretty, green corduroy bag.

I didn't want to take the money because she has never asked for anything from me, and because I don't think I've given enough to her, but she wouldn't allow that.

We watched Ray and another 2.5hours of weak and cheating men, I am so mentally drained.

I will think happy thoughts.

Happy thoughts. Sideways. Jies. Scarlet. You. Your shades [yes, that qualifies as a happy thought]. Bonus. Our book. Photograhy. A random stranger who looks good on paper and is nice enough to be nice to another stanger. A reconciled friendship.

You know what, I'll talk about that reconciled friendship when I'm up to it. I want to get it off my mind and chest. And because I've been hiding it for too long, it's eating me up. And it's about time I move on, because like what you've said, it's the best thing one can do for herself.